Cute Kittehs of DOOOOOOMMMM!

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I used to help teach online classes through our local community college. One of the problems with the online classes was that since the internet was a relatively new-ish thing for most people at that time (mid-late 90’s), lots of people had never before interacted with other people on the internet. And so they weren’t familiar AT ALL with the problems inherent with other people reading their simple black and white words on a page.

Tone and tenor of words took on a whole new meaning. Normal, totally innocuous things got quickly blown up into fully-fledged flame wars. (Oh wait! You mean just like today! Oh. Guess we haven’t learned much, eh?)

The college actually insisted that online students had to take a 1 credit class that taught them proper online etiquette. It made sense because some of those flame wars were ridiculous. I mean, really? You are pissed off at how that dude described how to account for a depreciation of public stock? Really? Yes, some of them were just that dumb. Accountants. At each others’ throats over debits and credits. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve dealt with that. Trust me.

But back in those days, I had a spiel that I put down in every class chat board that I controlled that gave guidelines on how we were to operate on the chat boards. One of the things I stressed was that the use of emoticons could make or break a statement and would more than likely help others understand what you meant.

Now-a-days on chat boards, websites and what have yous, we still use emoticons to convey what we mean. And there are other, wonderful things, like memes that have been created for us/that we create to show the funniness/ludicrousness/juxtaposition of the cray and the stupid/etc. of a situation.

Now, who knew that diminutive dilute colored felines in comfy cozy sweaters could be such threatening beasties?


This is my shocked and horrified face.


Kitteh memes like that are actually cute ways of getting people to laugh. It’s the juxtaposition of an adorable cat, dressed in a silly sweater, along with a “serious” question. I see that and I giggle. And you should giggle at my owl too. Because, owl, being owlish. FUNNY, DAMMIT!!!

Bill Schmalfeldt? Thinks it’s the END OF THE WORLD DEATH THREAT ELEVENTY!!!111!!!!1!11!


Now, if I wanted to “threaten” someone, I might consider posting a picture like this one.


But then I just giggle again. A Siberian Husky, caught in the rear view mirror looking all serious. With the perfect caption. The first time I saw that picture, I think I laughed for a good five minutes. The person who posted it to me was commenting on something that did indeed involve the whole “I’m gonna get you SOON” vibe that the picture encapsulates. It was awesome.

Now, did I think that he was going to actually “get” me and that it was a threat to me? Yeah, that would be a no. And if I went to the cops over it? They might have a hard time stifling their laughter in my face, but they sure as hell would be dying at their desks after I was gone. A real threat? Are you SERIOUS? OMG she’s a fking LOON! Bwahahahahahahaaa!


Ok, now this one? Yeah, it’s more of a threat. That DOG! Is gonna EAT YOUR PIGGIES IN A BLANKET! ZOMG!

What is it with Siberian Huskies looking so evil and demented? Somebody should study that.


Okay. Now that one is a real threat. That kitten is gonna swallow your soul with its cuteness. That’s why it’s being contained in that bag of holding. You should DEFINITELY report that.


Oh fuck. We’re doomed.

soon ostrich

Gahhhhh! IT’S GONNA EAT ME!!!!!!!

No, seriously. Ostriches are MEAN FUCKERS! They will knock you out with a wing! Don’t mess with the ostrich! They will CUT YOU!

So, you can see how the meme can escalate and yeah, by the last one, I *might* be considering that someone was actually threatening me. If I was drunk or on some seriously hallucinogenic drugs. But even then I would realize the whole animal picture/funny catch phrase thing of it all. And sanity takes over and I just giggle. A whole lot.

Perhaps the cops will take what Bill Schmalfeldt says seriously. Or they will laugh behind his back when he goes away after they pat him on the head. Let’s just be glad for him that he didn’t try to take this last meme to the cops as a possible “threat.”


Because those sloths. They gonna get you, suckah!



About The Dread Pirate Zombie

Member of the Zombie Horde and Lickspittle Minion. Out to eat your brainnnsssss. And a few other sweetbreads because they are so nomm-y. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
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40 Responses to Cute Kittehs of DOOOOOOMMMM!

  1. Neal N. Bob says:

    I do hope that Drunkenstein portrays a cat meme to the District Attorney as a threat. I’m sure that they’ll look at him as completely stable and serious thereafter.

    Anything to avoid talking about the mess he’s made of his lulzsuit and dodging service in the newest case filed against him, I suppose.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Loren says:

    Accountants….Debits towards the door, credits towards the window. Always worked for classrooms on the left. But you could get messed up in the classrooms on the right.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. agiledog says:

    Bill Schmalfeldt will do just about anything to distract from the fact that his (current) lawsuit against people for saying mean things about him is about to be tossed in the trash by the judge, and that he (Bill) is dodging service of another lawsuit. We know it, Bill knows it, and no smokescreen is going to hide his failure yet again at lawsuits.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Russ says:

      Hey, no worries for Bill – he can always claim that the judge was biased due to political leanings, romantic infatuation, or perhaps even outright bribery.

      Liked by 1 person

    • jamest says:

      Cabin Boy’s excellent friends may have persuaded him that he is an Emperor!

      And that they have been weaving him a new set of clothes “that is invisible to those who are unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent.”

      Tragically, ” When the Emperor parades before his subjects in his new clothes, no one dares to say that he doesn’t see any suit of clothes until a child cries out, “But he isn’t wearing anything at all!” “. [1]

      Those who are on the side of Freedom of Speech are represented by that child. I leave it to you figure out the other cast of characters.

      [1] The Emperor’s New Clothes, Wikipedia

      Liked by 3 people

  4. This Other Latin F*cker says:

    Bill Schmalfeldt. Really, really stupid or ginormous pussy? I guess it’s a case of embracing the power of AND again.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Jane says:

    The threats are coming from inside the dementia addled head!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. theman9876 says:


    We are here to answer any questions you may have or to provide any evidence you may need.

    Liked by 6 people

  7. Hug a root, Shakes. Then give one to Barney Fife.


  8. Just A Thought says:

    There is no FUN in threatening people.

    We, instead, make FUN of people with a burning (don’t you use tetracycline for that?) desire to want to be threatened.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Mr Minority says:

    You know I am not a lawyer, nor have I ever played one on TV, but isn’t it stated that a threat has to be interpreted as such by a reasonable person? And do you really think that a reasonable person would think that a cute kitteh in a sweater saying “You think this is a motherfucking game?” is a threat? And do you think that the DA would even try to take something like that in front of a jury?

    Billy has been humiliated with latest lawfare suit been tossed because of his own incompetence, and he is lashing out like a 3 yr old spoiled brat.

    Honestly I think he is coming apart at the seams, and when he does blow up, the Nuns at St. Francis are going to have an awful big mess to clean up from the floors and walls (I’m thinking like the “One Thin Mint” skit from Monty Python type of blowing up).

    Liked by 1 person

    • But of course he is humiliated. And he’s trying to pull a tantrum that is on par with the ones that get thrown weekly at my house. Except those are done more expertly and convincingly by a real three-year-old. I have no sympathy for either, however.


  10. one handle and stick to it says:

    LOL, Billy sure gets butthurt when his shutuppery tactics don’t work.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Pingback: Horrific threats and defamation! – ajaystan

  12. Dianna says:

    Sloths bite and claw, very slowly, as a defense against terminal cuteness. My assistant still says that she should have one for the office.

    Phone, train, bitter tears, all that.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. And another threat to report to the St Francis PD:

    Liked by 3 people

  14. And this describes Unca Biwwy to a T, though the cat is far more elegant and handsome than Biwwy could even dream of being:

    Liked by 3 people

  15. And a good one for our collection of facepalms:

    Liked by 5 people

  16. one handle and stick to it says:

    I think we can all guess the DA’s answer: “LOL, no.”


    • He honestly seems to believe that if he files what is essentially the same complaint (variations on “Mom, he made a face at me!”) with enough different police and state’s attorney’s departments, eventually he’ll get a different answer. He just hasn’t found teh right department or the right wording.

      I seem to recall there’s a word for that. Insanity.


      • crawford421 says:

        Remember when he tried to get his butthurt turned into a law in Maryland? Honestly, he’s more likely to get a law passed to restrain him than to “protect” him.


      • Pablo says:

        I can’t think of anything more FUN than Blob persistently annoying his local law enforcement apparatus.


  17. Mr Minority says:

    Vampires are taken down by sunlight and Hoiy Water, Werewolves are killed by silver bullets, and Zombies by knife to the head…. but Billy Butthurt? He cringes, and has a seizure triggered by a cute kitteh!!

    A Cute Kitteh!! In a sweater no less! Amazing, simply Amazing!

    He’s not evil, he is just pathetic!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. one handle and stick to it says:

    Pastries of Revenge? Those are the poisoned sweets that Billy eats…hoping YOU’LL die from them!


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