Over on the lovely Artisinal Craft Blog, Dave had posted a portion of the filing that Bill Schmalfeldt has submitted to the court in the Hoge v. Kimberlin et al suit. While we were marveling over the utter incoherence of the portion posted, Library Gryphon remarked that she should attempt to diagram the sentence (well over 100 words long) to demonstrate the incoherence.
When I read that, I kinda geeked out a bit. As a child, I LOVED diagramming sentences. It was my ball of wax. There was no sentence I couldn’t diagram.
That is, until I met this sentence.
First, I attempted it on paper. Oh my God. No. Just no.
Then I switched to Word. Ummm…
Yeah. That’s as far as I got. Wow. Just wow. That was a nope. And I hadn’t even gotten to the really fun stuff.
So I turned to the Internet, and lo! I found a sentence diagram-er! Awesomesauce!
I started to plug the sentence into it and quickly found that it was just not going to be possible. The diagram-er only took so many characters. And when I typed until I could type no more, well, it told me that there was no real sentence there. Which I already knew, but still. Annoying.
I decided to break it down into smaller chunks. Still had issues because I had to modify Schmalfeld-ese into English sentences, but I managed to get just about everything in there. Almost.
Ok. Not too bad for the first part of the sentence. Kind of straight forward. But what happens when we try to graph the next portion with the “tried and failed” stuff? It wouldn’t all fit in there, so it had to be broken down twice.
A phrase turned into a semi-coherent sentence without mangling what he wrote too badly. And the next part?
Oh lordy. Can you imagine this all being diagrammed as one? Uufdah!
Please dear God in heaven, make it go away! This is supposed to be one sentence? OMFG.
Heh. Seems like a fitting ending.
And I ain’t gonna try to put it all together in one big, ginormous diagram. I would need a drink. Or five.