I tried contacting you in public where everyone could see, the way you do it, but you must have been in a blind, drunken JWR stupor or in mid-faceplant after bending over to pet a dog made of horseshit or something, so I’m guessing you missed it.
But a real jourminalist doesn’t give up. So I’m republishing here.
I’m writing a story about an email I came to be holding. It purports to be from your late wife to an unnamed third party. I may or may not have received it from the actual recipient. This trucker who gave me the email told me I could use his name, but according to a certain jourminalist of some renown, real jourminalists NEVER reveal their sources, even if they say it’s okay to do so, or if they lie or provide unsourced documents to a reporter.
Funny, I had always thought that there were acceptable circumstances under which sources could be named, but this jourminalist fellow says “NEVER” so – “NEVER” it is!
Anyhow, I have this email wherein your wife wrote about some of the really quite interesting things she liked to do sexually with this particular has-no-great-need-to-be-anonymous truck driver. And maybe a state trooper or twelve. The details are spectacularly realistic. I am convinced the email is genuine. I was wondering if you had any comment for the record as her First Date Soulmate on this unfortunate allegation of marital infidelity. If she wasn’t dead (and I am only assuming she is based on the fact that you’ve never produced a death certificate as you have demanded of others in the past; for all I can prove she may be in hiding with Bobber), it really would posthumously destroy her reputation, so it only seems fair to give you the opportunity to speak up on her behalf and offer whatever you could as a means of giving her side of the story.
But then I realized what real jourminalists do: if a potential source chooses not to give the dignity of a response to outlandish allegations that have no corroborating witnesses, REAL jourminalists simply take a lack of response as confirmation. REAL jourminalists just assume they are correct! REAL jourminalists only publish the stories that fit their predetermined narrative.
And today I saw something else REAL jourminalists do: if a potential source chooses to give a response that flies in the face of the horseapples a REAL jourminalist is trying to peddle as stew meat, why the REAL jourminalist simply dismisses that source! A REAL jourminalist says “that source doth protest too much!” and chalks up his denials as lies. Sometimes, he even forgets to use his really stupid words like “Methinks,” which always leave his audience laughing at – not with – him. And the REAL jourminalist goes ahead and writes whatever the hell he wants, regardless of whether anyone refuses to speak with him (aka CONFIRMATION) or if someone provides anything other than confirmation (aka A LIE TAKEN AS CONFIRMATION).
So as I see it, there are three options. You can:
- Remain silent, in which case I, a REAL jourminalist following REAL jourminalist rules, conclude that this email and its contents are genuine and publish my story which proves the many allegations regarding your late wife’s side hustle;
- Deny everything, in which case I, a REAL jourminalist following REAL jourminalist rules, assume that you are lying by excessive protestations, conclude that the email and its contents are genuine and publish my story which proves the many allegations regarding your late wife’s side hustle; or
- Confirm everything, in which case I, a REAL jourminalist following REAL jourminalist rules, with independent confirmation that this email and its contents are genuine, publish my story which proves the many allegations regarding your late wife’s side hustle. And if you are worried about being embarrassed , don’t worry! We REAL jourminalists don’t every reveal sources. I can identify you by a code name like KCUFBMUD or something. No one will be the wiser.
I love REAL jourminalist rules, don’t you?
It’s up to you. You can reach me on Twitter @paulzkrendler. I don’t have a lot of time, so if you’re going to respond, hurry.