Busy, Busy Birdies

The story you are about to read is true.  It is multiply-sourced and independently verified.

A while back, my good zombie pal Morgana posted this:

A reminder that since 2009, Bill Schmalfeldt has been unable to drive because, he says, Parkinson’s had so eroded his muscle control and executive function that he could not tell the accelerator from the brake pedal.  He decided that it would be a bad idea for society at large to allow Bill Schmalfeldt behind the wheel of an automobile.

Because Parkinson’s.

And for over six years, he lived as a completely worthless slug, “totally dependent” on his wife to get him from place to place, but no less manly for his worthlessness.

Because where is there to go from zero manliness?

I wondered if he was still the miserable, contemptible sloth he had been, now that his captive chauffeur, errand-runner and LOLSuit mailer had gone to her reward.

I reached out to my little birdies.

One of them, Robin, was the source of all that wonderful information received in an FOIA request that became the pair of posts that showed “Stolen Valor” Bill Schmalfeldt wore medals during his second tour in the Navy for which there is no evidence that he earned. Robin reminded me that tucked away in the reams of information was a bit of data that should have been redacted but wasn’t. (Oopsie Poopsie, NPRC!)

That piece of data was completely irrelevant to that story, so I didn’t use it. There was no need.

But to find out what I wanted to know now, that information would come in very useful.

All states have web sites for driver services. Many allow drivers to check the status of their license online. A few have options for searching out this information based on information other than a driver’s license number.

I asked another source, Jay, to look into this.  Jay confirmed for me that Wisconsin is such a state and, armed with the wealth of personal information that Oversharer Bill Schmalfeldt has left online over many years, went poking at the Wisconsin DMV.

The first thing they ask for is a driver’s license number.

Jay did not have a number. Not then.

The next screen asks for two bits of information that Bill Schmalfeldt has foolishly made part of the public record. And one that my birdie Robin remembered.  That’s the redacted field, which I am not sharing as a matter of responsible journalism.

Providing the requested information (and proving you are not a robot) returns the following:

Lazy, no-account slug Bill Schmalfeldt, who surrendered his drivers license in 2009 because Parkinson’s Lazyfuck’s disease gave him an excuse to further bind the captive nurse to him, has acquired a Wisconsin driver’s license.

For the record, I will note that one redacted portion of the image above is the actual driver’s license number. While this will make future searches easier, there is no reason to share it.

Any responsible journalist would do the same.

Unfortunately, this story is about an irresponsible fake journimalist with pretend ethics that apply only to others and not to him, Bill Schmalfeldt.

This new driver’s license begs several questions:

  • Why would a shitsniffing DUMBFUCK who surrendered his license in 2009 – ostensibly due to the accelerating symptoms of a progressive neurological disorder – need a new one?
  • Why would the turdrolling toddlerstalker ever think it would be wise for him to get back on the road, after seven years of complaining that the targets of his stalking and harassment are only EXACERBATING his symptoms by asking him to stop?
  • Why would a lying, vexatious litigant who claims to be unable to travel outside the range of his MedicAlert device without risking his very life even need a driver’s license?
  • Wouldn’t this toss a serious wrench in his claims that he is unable to travel to court appearances in far-off jurisdictions?
  • Could it be the NINJANUNS look askance on the frequent door-to-door deliveries of budget spirits?
  • Does he even own a car?

That final question I answered myself.  How I did so will remain a secret. But…

Bill “I Can’t Drive, I Can’t Travel, I’m A Pauper, Find Me A Captive Lawyer” Schmalfeldt BOUGHT HIMSELF A CAR!

Can I prove it?

Enter Little Birdie Number 3 – Paul Krendler’s personal Agent Starling.

I asked Agent Starling if it would be possible to find and photograph a 1999 Ford Explorer parked at Canticle and Juniper Courts.


I’ll bet this car can make it to Maryland and back.

Now – what conclusions can a reasonable zombie draw from this?

In 2009, a so-called man (actually a proven serial liar) gives up his driver’s license, admitting that Parkinson’s disease renders him unsafe at any speed. Seven years later, with no mate to fetch his footlongs, mail his legal laff riots, wash his droopy drawers or recycle his whiskey bottles, he buys a car.  Because if there’s one thing certain about progressive neurological disorders like Parkinson’s disease – it gets better, not worse, over time.

So, is Bill Schmalfeldt faking?

That’s not for me to say.  I just publish all the relevant facts, and let the reader make their own decision.

And the relevant facts are:

  1. By his own admission, Bill Schmalfeldt gave up his driver’s license in 2009, because Parkinson’s disease made it unsafe for him to drive.
  2. Parkinson’s disease is a progressive neurological disorder. It only gets worse, never better.
  3. By his own description, totally disabled, wheelchair bound dating machine Bill Schmalfeldt, whose voice is now so ragged that he can no longer perform a podcast, whose stress-related Parkinson’s symptoms are so advanced that opening a tub of horse poop causes him to keel over, is deeper into late stage ELEVENTYIVLIAR Parkinson’s disease than ever before.
  4. In 2016, alleged Parkinson’s disease sufferer Bill Schmalfeldt got a driver’s license and bought a 1999 Ford Explorer.

Draw your own conclusions.



About Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie
This entry was posted in Bill, Hypocrisy, Laughing at Losers, PLM. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Busy, Busy Birdies

  1. Dianna says:

    My contempt and disgust are getting very deep.

    Phone, train station.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. one handle and stick to it says:

    Has Billy’s former pro bono lawyers been asked for comment about Bill Schmalfeldt’s FRAUD yet? I imagine they might have a few thousand words to say to him, beginning with “X billable hours, at $Y per hour equals…so PAY UP, PORKY!”


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