Over at Hogewash!, John Hoge posted a filing that Bill Schmalfeldt is supposedly submitting to the court in Maryland. And even though it makes me feel like I just can’t even…
I’m going to anyway, just because the LULZ that this flailing generates are just far too good not to highlight.
First, though, I want to back up the bus a few days. To where Bill is shrieking to teh Twiterz about all the terrible, awful, No Good, Very Bad wrongs that have been done to him and the “mistakes” that were supposedly made that mean that FINALLY! he will catch his white whale, Paul Krendler and clap him in irons or some such thing. (A very homoerotic fantasy now that I think about it if you ask me, but who am I to judge another person’s sexual kink, right?)
Oh dear! It’s looking terribly terrible for our friend Paul Krendler (who Bill yet again insists is Patrick Grady (when he’s not claiming Krendler is himself, natch)). Whatever shall he do? Wherever shall he go? They are going to GET HIM! Oh NOES!
But this is, of course, Bill Schmalfeldt. And he
stretches the truth lies about just about everything. Since he was being coy about it, he obviously was going to say something about it. And he certainly didn’t disappoint.
In his “MOTION FOR AN ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE WHY PLAINTIFF HOGE SHOULD NOT BE HELD IN CONTEMPT OF COURT FOR INCITING VIOLENCE AND VANDALISM AGAINST DEFENDANT SCHMALFELDT” Billy has this to say:
(Oh my aching sides!)
It seems to me that Bill Schmalfeldt is saying that next time, instead of just him being a victim, it should be EVERYONE on the block that gets vandalized. Because that might be more … FAIR? Because obviously other people that might wish harm on other people are slacking? Or something. I leave it to the reader to decide.
But WAIT! There’s MORE!
In the exhibits, Bill lists an itemized bill for what he had to do to repair the alleged damage.
Wait. What’s that? FOUR tires you say? Not two, but FOUR? But Bill swore that only two were damaged…
Those are some PRIME, GRADE A+++ tires there. Obviously in well-maintained condition. And they are obviously perfectly matched tires, so if you ruin one, you ruin them all, natch. Like on my buddy’s Lambo… Or not.
But certainly, for nearly $450 worth of damage, of COURSE the Kops are Koming for Krendler (again!).
But I thought Bill said this was a felony? And instead it’s criminal mischief? And INACTIVE/SUSPENDED? Oh Bill. Bill, Bill, Bill. We are going to have to just wash your little mouth out with soap with all those lies, now aren’t we?
And about that whole Grady/Krendler thing. Bill’s swearing (for the upteen-bazillionth time, naturally) that he has proof – PROOF HE SAYS – that Grady ADMITS to being Krendler.
And what does the exhibit say?
Wow. Ummm, yeah, that’s some real “admission” that whoever texted him is Patrick Grady. This all fits with Bill’s style of “if you don’t deny it, then it’s TRUE” jourminalism. Somehow I don’t think the court will look at it in the same way Bill does. *snort*
Oh, the wishful thinking Bill does. It’s enough to make you just laugh until you can’t laugh no more!
Having been on the receiving end of several of Bill Schmalfeldt’s lawsuits taught me that this motion is just like all of Bill’s other motions:
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
As it gets closer to the time of an actual trial (something Bill’s never gotten to in all of his misbegotten lawsuits against those of us who have committed Butthurt in the Third Degree against him) I imagine that we shall see more of these flailexes.
And we get to collect the LULZ all the way to the bank.
Remember to stretch those muscles!