Frank Talk Time

Oops. He’s done it again. Bill Schmalfeldt’s filed yet ANOTHER LOLSuit. Oh, Goodie!

And what’s this? He’s making post after post after post about it? On a brand spanking new website? Like all the other times he’s done so because he is GOING TO WIN, BY GOD!!!!

(SRSLY, dude. He can’t be *that* deluded, can he? Oh wait. Bill Schmafeldt….)

It’s obvious. Someone with a lot to prove to the world. And himself. Someone with quite possibly the world’s biggest inferiority complex. I haven’t seen one larger. It’s quite amazing to behold, honestly.

He’s already blathering on and on and on about what each of his defendants are doing, why they are doing it, etc., etc., etc. Now wait. Isn’t that his chief complaint about US? That we talk about him and what he think he is doing? It is?? You don’t say! Hmmm. Perhaps by Schmalfeldt logick I should sue HIM for being a big ‘ole meanie pants to me…


He thought that I was keeping quiet. No, not really quiet. More like trying to pick myself up off the floor from where I was suffering from a severe case of LULZ-induced muscle strain. It was so bad I couldn’t get up. And I didn’t even have an emergency LifeAlert button to push! Oh darn!

But now, I’m gonna say my piece. And oh, there is so, so, so very much to say about this article HERE. And all of it full of Pointing, Laughing, and Mocking. Come join me!

In his announcement that he had filed yet another LOLSuit against myself and several other people, Bill started off thusly:

Let’s break this down, shall we?

  1. Bill Schmalfeldt has never filed a successful lawsuit.
  2. They were dismissed on one technicality or another – but Bill forgets that he withdrew several of his own accord.
  3. Bill claims that this means that the defendants couldn’t claim a win because nothing was ever decided on the merits.
  4. Bill shows his jealousy over some of the defendants using an attorney to whip Bill’s butt. WHIP – not wipe.

I would argue that someone who is a defendant most definitely has won when the suit they are in is dismissed. They aren’t being sued anymore! You don’t care if it was on the merits or not. It’s gone away. It’s done and over. And really, in the end, that’s what you want. No matter what Bill thinks, that’s a win. After all, he crows that he beat Hoooooooge! because John dropped the first copyright lawsuit. Nevermind that there was a settlement agreement attached to that. That he’s now being sued over. Oopsie poopsie!

So yeah. I’ve beaten Bill. Three times. Like a red-headed stepchild, even, to use a colloquialism.

Once because he ran away to Wisconsin (LOLSuit V).

Once because a judge told him that he was doing this WRONG and that he needed to do something differently (LOLSuit VI).

Once because his COURT APPOINTED ATTORNEY told him that he was better off dropping the whole damn thing (LOLSuit VII).

That leaves the score standing thus:

Bill Schmalfeldt: ZERO
Dread Pirate Zombie Morgana: THREE

Damn. Bill’s getting his ass handed to him by a GIRL! Oooooh! Sick burn!

Bill conveniently forgets his COURT APPOINTED LAWYER that he had in the *last* suit he filed against me and then dropped. He had a lawyer. If he had had a case, they would have helped him to the best of their ability. Instead? Well, we all know the tune. FAIL!

And as to learning from his mistakes? Oh lordy! I’m just lucky I limbered up before I read that bit of tripe. I would have injured something for sure if I hadn’t. *snort*

Bill doesn’t remember what has been said to him by judges in other cases. I won’t educate him, but yeah, he’s wrong here. Due process is due process no matter where you go. No getting around that pesky constitution! It just gives Bill the sadz! Heh!

I have to wonder just *what* Bill thinks he’s learned. That isn’t totally wrong, that is. Because that paragraph… Whoo-nellie! Wrong. Dead, dead wrong. And he doesn’t even know why! Bwahahahahaaaaaaa!

I know how this will end up. The same way every single one of Bill’s LOLSuits have ended up. In the dustbin. Taken out with the judicial trash.

Bill won’t be able to subpoena a damn thing. Why? Because he’s so damn stupid and full of himself and his supposed intelligence that he can’t write a competent complaint that won’t get thrown out of court – possibly even sua sponte – when it gets time for motions to dismiss.

Pro-tip: when you can’t FOCUS on something longer than a goldfish and have to update your awesome, spectacular complaint less than one week after you file it (Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you. He’s already submitting a revised complaint! Hah!), perhaps you shouldn’t be suing people for non-existent torts in the wrong jurisdictions.

As for me? Yep. I’m gonna be pointing, laughing and mocking all the way. Bill really doesn’t like it when I do that it seems. He thinks that I need to take this “seriously.” Why on earth would I take something this ridiculous seriously? I have better things to worry about in my life. Like which flowers I’m going to plant in my garden and how I’m going to build the deck off the back of my house this summer or the furniture I need to get for my living room. Doesn’t Bill have these kinds of things to worry about? Oh wait. I guess he doesn’t. I probably shouldn’t laugh, but I will. Heee!

So yeah, let’s saddle up for this judicial LOLSuit ROAD TRIP!!! Oooh, now that I think about it, it could possibly even take me to the bank. Just not in the way Bill Schmalfeldt thinks. We shall see.

In the mean time….

Stock up on popcorn, members of the zombie horde! It’s gonna be a wild, WILD ride!



About The Dread Pirate Zombie

Member of the Zombie Horde and Lickspittle Minion. Out to eat your brainnnsssss. And a few other sweetbreads because they are so nomm-y. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
This entry was posted in Bill, Butthurt, FAIL Raaaage!, Laughing at Losers, PLM. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Frank Talk Time

  1. The 13th Duke of Wymbourne says:

    Seek your inner serenity by leaving behind material possessions with the teachings of Zen Schmalfeldt (or is it Schmaleldt?);

    With patience you too can learn the contentment that comes from living behind the dumpsters at the back of Motel Six. Practice your sutra “HOOOOOOOOOOOOGE. HOOOOOOOOOOOOGE…”, embrace the inner power of butthurt and you will soon become one with the holding cells at Carroll County Circuit Court.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. It is not an inferiority complex. It is a truth.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. John “Minemyown” Doe says:

    Maybe he needs to look at FRCP 45(b)(1).


    Liked by 2 people

  4. Dianna says:

    Well done!

    Phone, train.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. JeffM says:

    You put up a brave front, Ash, but we all know, because Truthful Bill has told us, that on the inside you are terrified as well as being furious at John Hoge for letting Bill know that he is not a District Attorney in South Carolina.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Boston Bob says:

    It’s like he is trying to emulate his hero and suing everyone that mentions his name, but makes the mistake of suing the SAME targets over and over.

    If BS had filed 8 lawsuits against 8 different parties, then he might have had a couple victories, even if only minor ones. No one likes to be the target of a suit, and some might settle for a small sum rather than go through it. That’s the case even if the suit is without merit and written by a incontinent baboon.

    But he keeps suing the same people, or their very close associates. These are people who aren’t afraid of him and have shown a willingness to go toe-to-toe rather than settle. It’s really hard to fathom.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Onlooker says:

    All he wants is a little leverage because he has none and he’s in some genuine self-created trouble with the court in Maryland. Whatever state of denial he’s in I can’t say but some part of the jigging monkey knows.
    His “friends” aren’t. I wonder if he knows that too.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Techno Jinxx says:

    That’s our FailWhale Willy.

    always giving hilarity when he thinks he’s being SERIOUS!!!

    can’t help but wonder how next month’s hearing will impact this new Lulsuit.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. popcornseller says:

    “Bill Schmalfeldt: ZERO
    Dread Pirate Zombie Morgana: THREE”

    SCOREBOARD !1!1!!1ELEVENTY!!1!11!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. MJ says:

    If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you defamed his lawsuit and boy, are you in trouble!!


    I don’t know what legal system he thinks that abomination will fly, but .. well.. good thing I’ve been training my lulz muscles..


  11. agiledog says:

    Don’t you know you’ve been admonished? Admonished, I tell you! It says so right in his LOLsuit. You SHOULD be shaking in your boots.

    The first four paragraphs alone pushed the likelihood of Bill being declare a vexatious litigant over 50%. But it is Paragraph 6 that you REALLY have to worry about.


  12. Jeanette Victoria says:

    ~HEH~ These pathetic trolls all believe they are going to win, my barnacle included….. They have no case to begin with, further they then post even more evidence that they are in fact the aggressors.

    And remember in order to harm a reputation a person needs a decent a reputation. Neither Schmalfeldt nor Mix have decent reputations. Both of them post vile hateful and disgusting screed.


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