Oh Goodie!

Mr. Fall Down Go Boom has *finally* gotten his act together enough to get his lawsuit into the actual judge’s hands. And Bill Schmalfeldt is promising something.

I’ll believe it when I see it. Which will be never. Because he will always have something new to be butthurt over which means he will sue someone. Again. It’s a pattern, y’know.

Oh, and too bad for Bill.

Because I’m not done. Not by a long shot.

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About The Dread Pirate Zombie

Member of the Zombie Horde and Lickspittle Minion. Out to eat your brainnnsssss. And a few other sweetbreads because they are so nomm-y. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
This entry was posted in Bill, Laughing at Losers, PLM. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Oh Goodie!

  1. WWFD says:

    So when this lawsuit fails pre-clearance from the magistrate judge for what ever legalize the Judge uses to describe Butt Hurt is not a tort. I’m guessing 6 months from then dummbfuck having moved to a new jurisdiction we will have LOLSuit the wrath of Farkinsons

    Liked by 4 people

    • Dr_Mike says:

      My bet over at Hogewash is June 28, but I’ll clarify:

      I do NOT expect Bill to be in Maryland on June 28. Why? Because what is the single stupidest thing he could do? Yeah. That.

      I expect him to “claim” he “drove” or “boarded a bus” in the “wrong direction” and wound up at some new flophouse, and “forgot” to update his address with the court. I also expect the main reason he unloaded the Hoopty to Jesus, was so he can’t be pulled over and fail a warrant search. For Bill, this is both wisdom and foresight, and he should be applauded for it. Anyway, since he sold his car to Jesus, he can’t be pulled over, so bench-warrant resistant.

      Which will last until he files an address in LOLsuit IX.

      Hence, my bet is June 28, 2017.

      Liked by 5 people

      • Jeanette Victoria says:

        Well since he has FAIL to show at all his other hearings why should this one be any different?

        Liked by 1 person

        • JeffM says:

          Gee Jeanette, your inaccuracy is ruining the story of how Willie lost a case to a three-year old. Now personally it is my opinion that the three-year old would easily have prevailed even if Willie had appeared at the hearing, but others, particularly those who do not know Willie, may wonder whether Willie lost solely due to his technical error in not showing up.

          Because it is false that Willie has ALWAYS failed to appear in the right court at the right time and date, your saying that he has always failed bolsters Willie’s narrative that, as a pro se, his losses are attributable to technicalities beyond his ken such a being present at hearings in a case. Some pro se litigants may not grasp the technicality about being in the right court at the right time and date, but Willie has demonstrated his mastery of that technicality at least once. (Of course Willie has admitted some memory problems so maybe he forgets that technicality with high frequency.)

          Liked by 3 people

  2. Pablo says:

    A question for a DUMBFUCK: What acts by gmhowell do you think are subject to SC jurisdiction and were committed in the time that you have lived there?

    ( BTW, I love, love, love the “It must be a forgery! The signature looks exactly like mine!” caper. Please never stop pursuing it.)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Watch the famous courtroom scene in The Caine Mutiny, and scream “FORGED LETTER” every time the Captain says “strawberries…” This is the monologue Schmalfeldt is practicing for the court. :56 sec mark:

    Van Johnson, Jose Ferrer, and the rest of the courtroom observers stand in for the future judge and jury who will observe this dramatic scene. They stare, and perhaps blink. My God. Did the Navy really give this man command of a ship/mop?

    Liked by 4 people

  4. John “Minemyown” Doe says:

    It was so funny, I fell off the bed!

    Actually, it wasn’t all that funny at the time, but we can look back at our personal foibles and laugh about them, right? It is that uniquely progressive quality that gives us the right — nay, DUTY — to laugh at conservative morons.

    Which we do.
    –Bill Schmalfeldt.
    from:
    http :// http://www.blogtalkradio. com/botm /2017 /06/ 10/breitbit-evening-news-june-9-2017 (remove the spaces after bring up shields)

    So we have two stories about the arm my bet is that both are not the truth, man lies so much he keep it straight.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. MJ says:

    One of the requests for documents from Bill Schmalfeldt in the Hoge v Kimberlin et al suit was for copies of blog posts that he made.

    You’ll notice that he is now sharing images he used on some of those blog posts, including a blog here.

    One of the funny ironies is that Bill thinks a Federal Judge is going to side with him regarding this “spectacular” evidence (which BTW, was introduced in the now voluntarily dismissed with prejudice LOLSUIT V – res judicata anyone?) and yet, he now need to explain to Maryland judge why he chose not to comply with a discovery order when he’s sharing evidence he said in a legal filing, under penalty of perjury, he did not have.

    Ooopsie Pooopsie!!!

    Liked by 4 people

  6. w says:

    Four Wright R-1820 “Cyclone” radial engines run smoothly as the Boeing B-17G Flying Fortress climbs in to the early morning sun heading north towards Washington, DC. Nose art shows a 70-year old woman reclining in a Princess Leia slave-girl costume next to flowing script proudly proclaiming ‘My gal, Hil’-

    Additional script lists the aircrafts intrepid crew:

    Captain W. Schmalfeldt, Commanding
    1st Lieutenant Bunny Boy, Co-Pilot
    Tech Sergeant Rauhauser, Gunner
    Corporal Fifi, Navigator/Comms and Electronic Warfare (EWO)
    Evil One, B. Kimberlin, Bombardier

    Captain Bill sits in the left seat, a cigar clenched between his teeth, little skulls on his shirt and a 50-mission crush on his pork-pie hat. Sitting forward on top of the instrument panel and attached by a gold disco chain, but not blocking the Captains’ sight lines, is a troll doll with pink hair. The troll doll is naked and since there IS such a thing as TMI we’ll just stop right there.

    “Pilot to Bombardier. How we doing back there, Brett? Talk to me, Evil One.”

    “Brett, here. Laser designator is down. We’ll be bombing by hand, Bill.”

    “Ah, Brett- I’m Aircraft Commander so address me either as ‘Captain’ or ‘Flight.’

    “Kiss my ass, Bill. I’m the brains in this operation and you know it. Makes ME Mission Commander so you can just suck it. Else write your own briefs.”

    ‘Picard never has problems like this’, Bill thinks to himself. ‘After this mission I’m going back to the UNSS Che Guevara; I miss space.’

    “EWO, Flight… Fifi, our laser designator is out. During our pre-flight brief Colonel Comey said there’s a witch in orbit over DC. Can she paint the White House with a laser?”

    “Flight, EWO. Ah, that’s a negative. Tried on HF radio and I can’t raise the witch. She’s not listening. Maybe never has but that’s weird since all of us are on her sycophant list- My understanding is Uma cleared us personally. On the other hand it IS possible that Hoge’s son is jamming us with his shortwave radio. He’s properly credentialed, you know- Something none of the rest of us are intellectually capable of pursuing. A recognized credential, that is.“

    The Captains eyes narrow. STRATCOM says this mission to remove the Trumpenfuhrer is critical to LGBTAEIOUQ rights as well the feelings of oppressed lambs in the Antifa. They gave this mission to the finest crew in Air Command. “We’ll just have to press forward. We must PROGRESS!”

    EWO breaks in on the intercom, “FLIGHT EWO! MISSLE LAUNCH!!! Multiple contacts inbound from Maryland scanning as Standard-ER surface to air missiles. Eight contacts guided by SPY-1 radar from Aegis headed directly towards us from 120 miles out!”

    Captain Schmalfeldt bellows, “ENGAGE THE CLOAKING DEVICE! NOW!!!”

    “Cloak engaged, Captain”, Fifi responds. Bunny Boy wakes up. “Is it eleventy yet?” Bill doesn’t answer his co-pilot because Fifi speaks up again, “Flight, EWO- Missles are passing us by high and right. But we’re now left of course plotted.”

    The radio crackles, “Captain Schmalfeldt, Captain Schmalfeldt, come in Captain Schmalfeldt. This is Colonel Comey.”

    “Schmalfeldt. What’s up colonel? We’re busy up here.”

    “Ah, Captain… Tactics advises those missiles weren’t exactly aimed at you. Appears the shooter was going through the motions only. The motions. Get it? We suspect a ulterior motive.”

    “Colonel, those missiles WERE aimed at us. We live only because of my brilliance in engaging the cloaking device. THIS WAS A WIN FOR ME!”

    “Not sure about that, Captain. And you may have showed the cloak earlier than you had to. But keep going. I’ll document this in a memo for the record. Comey out.”

    Bunny Boy speaks up, “Captain! Imperial Tie fighters coming out of the sun 2 o’clock high! This is why the missiles pushed us left!!!”

    Bill doesn’t hesitate. “Rauhauser, man the ball turret. Nav, man the waist guns.”

    Neal jumps on the aircraft intercom, “You bet, Captain! I’ll swat ‘em. I’ll swat ‘em all.”

    Steely edge in his voice, Bill says “Bunny Boy, come further left to bearing 070.”

    “Stay on target.”

    “What Brett?”

    “Stay on target.”

    “ Quit drifting left, dammit” Brett says.

    “Woo hoo!” exclaims Neal- “Got one!”

    “Great kid- DON’T get cocky. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Even as he’s encouraging his crew, Captain Bill watches as Tie fighters with lasers duel the 50-cals on his B-17. Doesn’t seem like a fair fight but some people can’t understand the concept of being outgunned.

    Fighters swirl, lasers flash and guns blast- “Number 4 engine is hit. I can see it smoking, Captain- Temps climbing too!”

    The airplane bucks but Captain Schmalfeldt holds the wheel firmly. Man of destiny that he is and with righteousness (wait a minute, that can’t be good- leftousness?) on his side the Captain glares at his co-pilot. “Pull the E-handle and feather the prop you idiot.”

    “Handled pulled, prop feathered… Fire’s out in number 4. Temps going down.”, Bunny Boy reports. He’s sweating bullets. They rattle around on the cockpit deck. Captain dials in some trim (look, we’re all adults here but DON’T say it) to account for the the drag caused by number 4 engine. Another Tie fighter flashes by RIGHT IN FRONT of the B-17. “If only I had a nose gunner,” Bill mutters. “Why the hell did Eric Clanton have to get his ass arrested after the Battle of Berkley? Now he’s just another idiot arrested for a bike lock.”

    The Fortress slams sideways. Another hit. “REPORT!”

    “Captain, Neal here- Vertical stabilizer just took a hit. Starboard waist gun is totaled. Fifi is bleeding but I’m taking care of him. We’re short a bombardier also.”

    WTF? “What do you mean our bombardier is short? That’s not exactly news, Neal. Don’t waste my time while we’re fighting for our lives.”

    “Ah, no Captain. Brett’s gone and his parachute is too. There’s a bag on his chair with a note pinned to it.”

    “Read me the note, Neal.” Bill rolls his eyes. Good help is SO hard to find.

    “Says, deliver this bag to Captain Schmalfeldt in the cockpit.”

    “Damned strange… Why would I need to hold a bag in the midst of a battle? Bring the bag up, Neal.”

    “Aye Captain. On the way.”

    “Macintosh. Prepare for battle.”

    “Macintosh. Report in.”

    “Macintosh? Dammit! MACINTOSH!!!”

    “Macintosh here, Captain. Sorry for the delay. I was 20,000 leagues under the sea looking for butthurt.”

    “Find any?”

    “Nope. Saw a Trident submarine though. And a mermaid who bears a striking resemblance to Gwyneth Paltrow.”

    “Oh man-“ Bill responds, “She is such a good looking bitch. Get any pics?”

    “Regrettably not. And if I had, do you not have enough lawfare on your hands that it would be wise to avoid a fight with her publicists plural? Might as well pick a fight with frickin’ Madonna while you’re at it.”

    “See your point. Macintosh, we’ll be bombing by hand. You’re our new bombardier.”

    “Roger that, Captain Schmalfeldt. We are currently too far left; adjust course.”

    “CNN indicates we’re perfectly on course. Damn the torpedoes, the Tie fighters and the Hogeists! Keep on keeping on because we’re getting closer to the White House!”

    It’s a epic fight and it continues to rage. And it’s got to be continued, later, because I’m going out for a beer. I’ll try to get the next part written tonight. Will post to Hogewash if John doesn’t mind-

    I need to keep moving.

    Around.

    I got the music in me.

    Round and round the mulberry bush-

    Feelin’ me?

    Oh hi, Mom! What am I doing? Ummm… Nothing. Practicing my typing. No really. Nothing at all.

    Liked by 6 people

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