[CONTEXT]
Doesn’t it suck for you? That we play your game, according to your rules, AND CONSISTENTLY KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU?
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If you really don’t want to be treated like The Internet’s Favorite Cat Toy,
you should just stop putting yourself out there to get batted all over the place.
But if you want to keep lying to yourself and pretending you don’t like men and the taste of your own blood (figuratively speaking)…it’s a free country.
You’re free to cry, we’re free to laugh. And point. And laugh. And mock. And laugh. And laugh and laugh and laugh.
BILLY SEZ - Adventures in Bill Schmalfeldt's Pretendy Land Internet Courtroom. All Rise! 
Witless Willie has been involved in so much litigation that he may very well have forgotten that he is currently suing Ash under a Wisconsin criminal statute for taking his words out of context.
He is far less bright than he flatters himself to be, and, if in addition he is having some memory issues (not saying he is, merely hypothesizing), no wonder he is confused by people mocking his public comments where he takes things out of context. I am NOT saying people of even average intelligence are confused: they do get the joke.
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Pretty safe bet that there are memory issues with a diseased, dementia-addled brain, like Bill Schmalfeldt’s;
happy its wife diedthemerrywidower even admits hallucinations!LikeLiked by 1 person
You guys! He’s saying you’re both now libeling him from the same site!
https://twitter.com/YoungestOldDude/status/685948878143795204
And he’s going to tell the JUDGE ON YOU!!!!
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Question for the legal beagles out there…
Since Paul isn’t Pat Grady, and yet Gail’s Former Abuser accuses Grady of libeling him under the name of Paul Krendler, isn’t Gail’s Former Abuser actually the one committing libel?
Could that lead to (REDACTED don’t educate the monkey -PK),which would totally screw up Gail’s Former Abuser’s entire case??
Hmmnnnn….
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He has to do the first thing and establish that Patrick Grady is, in fact the anonymous blogger Paul Krendler.
However, he has bungled his filing so badly, it’ll never get to that stage. He may have broken a record for technical deficiencies within a single filing. I’m sure that when the judges all meet to discuss the upcoming schedule, I can imagine a certain female Judge having this conversation:
“Anyone got any weird cases that might cause some issues?”
LOLSuit Judge: “Well.. ” (breaks into laughter)..”let’s just say”.. (giggles some more, and gets louder..) “some German guy is mad at a few people, and he may never clear the technical deficiencies.”
“Wow. Can’t wait to see the record for this one.”
LOLSuit Judge: “It’s going to be very difficult to keep a straight face while reading this.”
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LOLSuit Judge: “How are we gonna splain to this monkey that butthurt is not actionable?”
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Here’s a timely joke
Why isn’t Bill Schmalfeldt dead yet?
Because Satan’s restraining order against him is still in effect.
Collect all 57 Stinky!!
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Because nuns are unusually patient.
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Are these Canticle and Juniper Courts nuns, perchance?
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Can’t say. My experience with nuns is extremely limited.
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Ha ha ha lol lol lol
Come on Blob, just quit visiting the sites you say defame you and come out of the closet and your life could be the happiest it’s ever been.
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Or just put one in your temple, Shakes.
That’ll work too.
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his latest tweet is just begging for a contest…
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WTF IS THAT? OMG. I just can’t eve.
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Looks like he didn’t make it!!!
(Yes, that was a deliberate and intentional innuendo…
…also, my entry in the captioning contest. Beat that!)
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Pingback: I Tried to Find the Context… | Dave Alexander & Company — Ukuleledave and David Edgren
Because Ash is off being frivolous, I thought I’d keep the site current by doing my own Billysez. It is a little off topic because I am going to analyze of Willie’s skills as a professional writer, not his logic. As we all know, he has been a flack, a journalist, and an author of books and blogs. Let’s see how good he is at his own calling. And I am going to be fair and admit right up front that what’s below would be C+ work for an amateur. But Willie is a GS-13 writer.
Filed under: Life Among the Inmates.
Comment: That is good: edgy but self referential and so not insulting.
Title: Nuns — and the Things They Know About YOU
Comment: Promises some introspective comedy ahead. Except we find that Willie fails to follow through. (“Fails” is a word that will recur.)
First sentence: I’m 61-years and 4-days old. A wee, broth of a boy compared to many of my contemporaries here at Juniper Courts.
Comments: A comma between “wee” and “broth.” Really? “Wee” is an adjective modifying “broth.” Ahh well. super-technical I guess. And “contemporaries.” The whole point is to TRY to indicate that many are NOT his contemporaries. He has failed to distinguish between “neighbors” and “contemporarties.” Did he take the course on “le mot juste?” And where is the promised relationship to the nuns and their knowledge?
Second sentence: There is much I have learned. Most of what I have learned is that there is much I have yet to learn.
Comment: Admit it: this is funny. It doesn’t make any sense, but nonsense is often funny. Still nothing about nuns or relative ages.
Second paragraph: For one thing, you don’t just show up at a retirement facility and start being old. It takes work. It takes patience. Especially among my Catholic brothers and sisters.
Comment: This paragraph has what my former writing teacher George Stade called the argumentative edge: the unexpected implication seems to be that being old is a learned skill and that learning to be an old Catholic is harder than learning to be an old Protestant or Hindu. Still nothing about nuns or relative ages, but I am intrigued about the difficulties of learning to be an old Catholic. This will definitely be a good paragraph if it leads somewhere. (Note the conditional: paragraphs do not stand alone.)
Third paragraph: One of the first lessons I learned was when the Packers had their bye week, and I took a load of laundry up to the second floor. Two of the elder ladies spotted me. “Doing laundry?” one asked.
Comment: Failure everywhere. I had thought his first lesson learned was that he had to learn how to be old. Nope, he learned something else first. Is it about nuns? No. Is it about Catholics? No. Is he implying that he has not done any laundry since football started last summer? Maybe. “Elder ladies.” Does he mean “elderly?” What the hell else would they be in a retirement home? And if he does mean “elder,” elder than whom? Willie, I guess. Is their relative age relevant to anything? No: another fail. But hey, we do have an admission against interest that he is not “totally disabled” because he just said (unless he lied) that he does his laundry (at least every few months or so). And what lesson was learned: we are NEVER told.
Final paragraph: “Nope, just takin’ my dirty clothes out for a walk,” I wanted to say but didn’t. I think Bill Engvall has the copyright on the whole “Here’s Your Sign” thing.
Comment: Willie fails in typical ways. All the carefully prepared set-ups fail: nothing about learning how to be old, nothing about Catholics, and nothing about nuns, let alone rifle toting nuns. Just a derivative joke showing him to be smarter than two women. (Is anyone’s misogyny showing? Has he never heard of phatic language?) And the joke is pretty lame: if this is in fact the first time since the Packer’s opening game that he has done any laundry, people must have been hoping for months that he would eventually do his laundry.
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Critique for the critic.
Packers’ not Packer’s.
You are not alone. Several generations of English teachers have failed to teach their students where the apostrophe belongs.
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It’s worse. I know and still screwed up.
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No matter how well one was trained, when one sees it done wrong so often, it creeps in.
I had a history prof who every year before she started grading her first set of essays would open her dictionary and write the word “monastery” on a 3×5 card and tape it above her desk. She could spell it in her sleep, but after grading the 30th essay with it spelled wrong, all the various misspellings began to look equally wrong (or equally right).
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It has been pointed out that I did not complete my self-appointed task. There was MORE to read and critique.
Next paragraph: “It won’t do itself,” was my smiling reply.
Comment: Do replies smile? Personification of personal actions is a bit strained, don’t you think? But let’s not carp. His figures of speech are often profoundly weird. He could have said “‘It won’t do itself was my reply,’ as I smiled like a ghoul who had just eaten minced baby for dessert.” I can live with smiling replies.
Next paragraph: Both ladies frowned a well-meaning frown.
Comment: Not elegant, repeating the same root in noun and verb. Maybe, “The ladies’ slight frowns seemed mysterious until the other asked ‘On the Sabbath?'”
He really missed an opportunity here. It would have been much more funnier if the other lady had said “Has it taken you from August, dear, to figure that out?”
Last paragraph before terminal ennui overcomes me: And while we on the subject
Comment: What subject, you clown? You have maundered on from one thing to another, not one of which has had a thing to do with nuns, getting old, or learning the lessons of how to live with others. Instead we have been led from unrelated topic to unrelated topic up to a tidbit of misogynistic sniping about how stupid pious, elderly women are.
Others may continue if they wish. So much failure is too depressing for me to contemplate. Being fair, however, I must admit to being impressed by one stroke in what follows. One of Willie’s favorite topics is not hauled in by its hair, but rather introduced allusively (though with an excess of adjectives) through the metaphor about a cat’s litter box.
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I wondered how he replied to the ladies.
And yes, terminal ennui. Other people, over the years, have written wonderful memoirs about their Catholic upbringing. This was not one of them.
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“On the Sabbath?”
What, did Willy move to a Baptist tenement? Because doing chores on Sunday hasn’t been an issue with Catholics since the turn of the LAST century. And I’m sure that pornographic advertisements are not sent with naked women on the envelope, because they wouldn’t be delivered.
You’d think Willy would eventually get better at lying, what with all the practice……..
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Naked women on an envelope? I am buying a bigger mailbox TOMORROW.
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Yeah, that’s a common problem with lefties who are ignorant about religion but assume they’re knowledgable. Remember them going after William Bennet for gambling? He’s Catholic…
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