Jeff Foxworthy has a comedy skit where he described what he and his young buddies used to do in high school – they would drive around, flashing their naked buttocks pressed against the car window to little old ladies to scare the living bejezus to them. It’s a funny skit, as we all know or know of at least one person – usually a teenage boy – who has done that. Every now and again (maybe once a year or less) I get a chance to throw in a reference to a “pressed ham” or “lowering the bomb bay door” when talking with friends who are familiar with the skit, and we all giggle.
The purpose of mooning someone was to embarass them, get them flustered, blushing, running away and hiding. Teenage boys love to do that sort of thing. Until Sheriff Harcus comes looking for them to explain what in the heck they’ve done to old Miss Lucille to make her run off the road into a ditch.
When a grown man decides to do that? And thinks that it’s appropriate to do on the INTERNET? No. Just, no.
This is Bill Schmalfeldt’s version of the pressed ham. With it, he is going to make you stop. And he is going to make you pay. With his ass.
He thinks that putting a picture of who he believes to be Krendler’s wife on his ass like it’s a tattoo is going to make Krendler do… what, precisely? Nevermind that we’ve never seen a picture of Krendler’s wife. I’m told that she is a Rule 5 Wife, but since she is a zombie, well, that could be a range of looks so I’m not quite certain where to go with that. Perhaps she’s not as decayed as some? Or perhaps zombification becomes her?
The simple fact that he has let his hatred for Krendler blossom into a full-fledged obsession may result in his getting some specialized treatment. Bill needs to hang onto his ass.
Let’s just hope it happens before he decides to photograph his naked front and put it on teh Interwebz. It might actually break.
BILLY SEZ - Adventures in Bill Schmalfeldt's Pretendy Land Internet Courtroom. All Rise! 
Can’t be unseen. This is exhibit #1 in an upcoming motion to request psychiatric examination of defendant. Depending on court rules on page size, it might be exhibits #1 and #2. [That’s a cheap shot, I know. But I didn’t put my butt on the internet.]
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The thing is, even if the creeptastic recreant could disgust the horde enough that we’d leave it to its stalking and harassing without reporting or commenting on the malignant monster’s nefarious internet activities; or we all suddenly got so bored with the repetitious hackery and moved on en masse; or, one of its top ten fantasies, it managed to get all TFS blogs removed; the fact remains the demented DUMBF5CK is still a demented DUMBF5CK.
The fat freak is still banned from KOS and virtually every other site it’s ever fouled with its revolting presence. It still abandoned its children – – two families – – and still doesn’t have a relationship with them, nor will it ever lay eyes on most of its grandchildren, other than stalking the social sites of those who reject the grotesque ghoul. It’s still all alone, will remain alone, and will die alone.
Much of the TFS content would remain on the web via the loathsome loser’s own pages, book attempts, and archives. The worst things written about laardvark are citing its own writings. For example, but for its constant attention seeking, we’d never know how terribly it treated its poor wife during her last months, or how she died all alone because the freakshow was too busy describing her death rattle to be with her, just like it was too busy describing every mortifying detail of her suffering prior to her passing.
The St. Francis fungus must have horrific guilt over how it treated her. That’s one of the reasons it frequently lashes out and makes false claims about the horde being less than respectful to her. That’s it’s own guilt speaking, and looking for any object for transference. The craven creep can’t face what it did, how it humiliated her, ignored her, and how it totally FAILed her, possibly to the degree of shortening her life. All in its continuing FAILed and always doomed to FAIL quest to bring attention to its repulsive self.
The guilt and shame of that would cause many normal people to get off the internet and never go back. But then again, normal people don’t go where they’re clearly not wanted, where they’ve been banned, and where they’re roundly despised.
Then again, normal people aren’t addled by dementia.
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Laardvark is brilliant. APPLAUSE
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I swiped it from the inimitable Black Betty, iirc.
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I must respectfully disagree – I don’t think he has ANY guilt over how he treated her. He is too self-absorbed and narcissistic to have such guilt. He still thinks he can use her as a shield because he has an inkling that it bothers normal people when they hear his false tale, so he tries to use it. However, all the people now who hear his tale know the truth, and are not deceived by it. So he just comes off as even more pathetic and soulless.
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I dated a girl in high school who was rude like that. A tomboy named Lucille, always trying to keep up with the boys.
We didn’t date for long. Her fondness for substance abuse stretched far beyond beer, and mine didn’t. The consequences were predictable…
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My youth was boring it seems. No mooners among the girls I dated though some of them were a little wild. There was a song about your friend though, by Chuck Berry if I remember correctly. The lyrics were indecipherable of course. I never understood back then what was actually going on in the Coupe de Ville at the top of the hill. Now I know and comprehend why Chuck was so wrought up.
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Rest assured, if Shaky puts a pic of his front on the interwebz, much laughter will strain and burst the LULZ muscles.
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I think that would warrant forwarding to poor Cindy.
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