Sexist Pigs and the Balloons Who Love Them

Every girl knows it’s walking the danger zone. We like the “bad boys.” The ones with the “edge” to them. Because we want them to prove to us that they can shed that tough exterior and become soft pussy cats for us. And oh, they fight for us. How we like that.

It seems that Bill Schmalfeldt has caught himself someone who likes that he will “fight” for her.

Now, I know that some people will say, Morgana! Don’t be assuming that’s a real live person! There is no proof it’s not a blow up doll! To those people I say – no worries. In this day and age, blow up dolls can have person-hood too! It’s totally not unheard of and I’m certain is covered by one of the 64 different genders that I’m told is out there.

But this balloon has apparently “posted” some not so visually appealing pictures, both of itself and closeups of its teeth. Both of which are not quite as aesthetically pleasing as one would hope for in a latex companion. And people have remarked upon that. Because Pinkie Pie Balloon bears certain characteristics that Bill Schmalfeldt has remarked upon negatively in the past when they were associated with other people. Most notably with females such as his recent articles on Ginny Thomas that I covered last week, and other members of the zombie horde, as well as one of Bill’s other nemesis – Lee Stranahan.

Oh look! Bill’s gonna marry Pinkie Pie so she can get insurance for her teeth. I’ll just say good luck for getting together the money for the enormous out of pocket co-pays that will be necessary to deal with the snaggle-tooth mess that is PP, especially seeing as how Bill is soooo impoverished that he can’t pay the filing fees on federal lawsuits to sue people.

Also, don’t expect the repairs to be very good because the teeth on blow-up dolls seem to be very small and appear to run along a seam line and those can be nearly impossible to fix once punctured.

Oh, now that’s rich. Bill Schmalfeldt talking about slut shaming people. I’ll leave that be for now. But really, this is about how Bill Schmalfeldt can’t understand *why* people would use his tactics back on him – I mean we all know PP isn’t real and he’s just typing for her anyway. But sssshhhh! We don’t want to pop his balloon now do we?

BZZZZZT Wrong!

It apparently is just a-ok to make fun of MEN in Bill Schmalfeldt’s world because of their teeth but NOT for WOMEN.

Now, coming from such a PROGRESSIVE and LIBERAL person like Bill Schmalfeldt, doesn’t that sound every so very sexist? Why yes. Yes it does. Because to the progressive, men and women are supposed to be equal in all things. I mean, what’s good for the goose should be good for the gander. And if it’s a gender thing that Bill is building a distinction on, then guess what?

Bill Schmalfeldt is a de facto sexist. Which we already knew.

But perhaps this was such a shock to the sweet blow-up dollie. She thought her bad boy was just fighting for her which can be ever so sweet and endearing. But really, he was just showing his inherent sexism. Perhaps, then, that is why Pinkie Pie felt the need to…. assert herself being the strong, liberal blow-up doll she is. She didn’t like being put in her place by a sexist.

Which led to this it seems.

Poor guy looks so stunned and in shock that she inflicted that on him. Oh my. Now Bill, it’s okay. Men can call into domestic violence hotlines as well now a days. Nobody thinks badly of them. You don’t have to put on a front anymore. You don’t have to say that Pinkie Pie just sprung a leak and startled you so you fell off the bed.

We all know the truth. It’ll be okay. It won’t mean that you’re any less of the partial man you were before. It’ll just show that sexism is never, EVER okay, because even your blow up dollie will educate you properly.